EnglandBoy has come and gone again. Oh wait, I think that I mentioned that before.

I have been really poking and prodding my feelings lately. To be more accurate, my lack of feelings.

I don't miss him, I don't ache for him, I don't look forward to seeing him. These are things that I felt while he was here and I was just at work.

Now, he is in England and I am here in Canada and I don't even feel guilty about getting all tingly excited about a man that was flirting with me this past weekend.

Sadly, I was more disappointed that nothing came of that flirting than I am sad about EnglandBoy not being here.

I don't really get it, which is why I've been thinking about it a lot. This is the first time that I have had such a lack of emotion when it comes to my relationship with him.

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In more important news, I cannot find my bloody camera. This camera cost me nearly the same amount that my first car did (seriously, I only paid $500 for my super duper '88 Civic hatchback several years ago) and now I don't know where it is.

After breakfast I am about to tackle the task of cleaning out the car in hopes to find it. So far, tidying up inside the house has yielded no results.

I am not getting all worked up about it, but I want to. I cannot imagine that I actually lost it because I am super anal about making sure that I have it and it has not been stolen anytime that I take it out of the house.

Now I want to avoid cleaning the car not just to avoid cleaning, but to avoid the chance that it might not be in there.

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So the flirty boy this weekend. I did a demo at a neighbouring city's Wal*Mart (they so seriously overpay for this kind of crap, I can't say no to the cash) and the Lead Associate in Frozen foods (this really could be a white trash soap opera) has the hots for me. Or at least he's a little warm for me.

The Saturday, after about an hour of us not being seperated, he asked me to go on break with him, but it wasn't my time and so I had to decline (gotta at least pretend to work for that cash you know). There were smiles and chit chat throughout the day and I kept getting that odd little excited tingle when we made eye contact. It was totally grade 10.

I kept thinking about him all night and was looking forward to seeing him on Sunday and continuing on with said flirty-ness but alas, it seems that it just wasn't meant to be. While we were still all chatty and nice and exchanging little glances and smiles, there was not another invite to share a few moments of break together nor even a good-bye at the end of the day. All of the Lead Associates seemed to disappear and not be seen again (at least while I was still there).

I actually found it really, really disappointing. I was sad that the scene didn't play out in real life like it did in my head (which, to be honest, was really very tame and was just us going for coffee after our shifts. Me being so honest to explain that I felt an attraction as well but that I could not act upon it because of my current relationship. Him being impressed with my integrity and wanting to bang me anyway. I lie there, it would have just been a "safe" flirting falling deeply for each other thing after that. No sex. Dear gods, what the hell has my life turned in to if my fantasies about other men don't even include sex?!? I feel a little lost now)

I don't really like that either. I want to be able to be satisfied in my relationship. I don't want to feel like I have to lust after other people* in order to have something fulfilled that is not currently being fulfilled in my relationship.

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I've just found out that I am to have company in a few minutes. I had better go and pretend to be all productive and busy so that they will want to leave sooner. (The company is family)

*I don't want to have to lust and yearn to get something that I'm not. I'm fine with it in an appropriate context.

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Update: Car is clean; camera has NOT yet been found.